It’s All About Perspective

Last week while I was at work, I got talking to this nine year old girl. We talked about her favourite books, school, and all the other things nine year old girls like. Somehow we got talking about age and I made the catastrophic mistake of asking her how old she thought I was.

“46?” came the reply. I laughed and said “Not quite!” Her next guess was 47 and it only went up from there. Now, I turn 23 tomorrow, so obviously I hope that I don’t look 47, but to a nine year old I clearly do look “old”. But let’s be honest, most kids aren’t great judges of age. I sure wasn’t, still aren’t! They see kids, big kids and grown ups. And maybe “old people”, you know, those people with grey hair and false teeth. Apparently those people are only a few years older that me!

I have to be honest, though. I did go home and check for wrinkles. Not because I’m old, but because I’m getting older and for the first time I’m starting to feel as though life is getting away from me.

When I was little I imagined a lot of things about being a grown up. Some things, like having my hair change naturally to black, having green eyes and a flawless tan, were not realistic. Other things, like being a vet, were. However if nine year old me could meet present day me, I don’t think she would be impressed. Her expectations of being married with kids, a farm and horses have not come to fruition. But at age nine, I thought people in their twenties had all that and more.

Silly me.

A little older, not much wiser, 13 year old me walked the school hallways looking at the year 12 students, 17 and 18 year olds, in admiration. They were so grown up and beautiful. They had relationships not just boyfriends. They drank coffee! They had it all together.

Ha!

Fast forward five years. 18 year old me: struggling with school, single, didn’t like coffee. I thought I’d turn 18 and go out clubbing. I went once to a place known as The Spewie and avoided it from then on. I thought I’d have my license and my own car. I still don’t. I despite that, I knew that I’d be married by 19. 20 at the latest!

Hahahahahaha!

Wrong again, past me. We’re currently on the cusp of 23, single and very much still trying to figure this whole life thing out. I have, in the past few years, leaned a lot, however. I’ve learned that no one really knows what they’re doing, but if you act enough like you’ve got it figured out, people will think that you do, and eventually, your life starts to look as if you’re a Proper Adult™. For example, I go to work every day. I complain about work. I save money. I buy an obscene amount of books. I’m about to buy my first car. And then I will learn to drive. From the outside, it’s starting to look like everything is coming up Milhouse. Finally, I’m an adult!

Except…

I don’t really understand taxes.

My little brother had to teach me the difference between a blue slip and a pink slip.

I can’t even keep my room tidy, let alone a house.

But the important thing is that this is all okay. I’m 22, nearly 23. Sure, some of my friends are married, some of them have kids. Hell, a couple of them have even graduated university! Some of them are really acing it. And some of them are addicted to meth. So, in the grand scheme of things, I’m not doing too badly.

It’s all about perspective.

 

 

Image credit: https://www.tes.com/lessons/s2mKePgAVVUC0Q/space-and-perspective

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“Say sorry!”

I don’t know anyone who likes to admit when they’re wrong. It’s a hard thing to do for most people. It takes a lot to go to someone and apologise for something you’ve done/not done. It takes even more to apologise for something that truly wasn’t your fault, something that I’ve been learning about recently.

Last Friday at work I had an… Altercation with someone. More accurately, I took a message for her in which the person gave me the incorrect phone number and she blew her top. All day she was at me. She got right up in my face, yelling and being very insulting. In short, it was extremely unprofessional and rude. And it made me cry. A lot. On Monday I spoke to my supervisor about it and basically told her how awful it was and how unfair it was that this woman treated the staff this way (I should put in quickly here, I work on reception and this woman was one of the people I do reception for. She’s not my boss, I don’t work directly for her, making it even more out of line). My supervisor agreed and we decided she would talk to our boss.

Then my supervisor told me that in the future, I should just apologise and try to fix the mistake, even though it wasn’t me that had made it. At first I was furious. Why should I have to apologise if I hadn’t made a mistake?! Why couldn’t I just tell her to f*** off?! Well, in short, because I had to be the bigger person. While my reaction would usually be “I didn’t do it, don’t look at me”, my supervisor explained that, unfortunately, in our role it was often easier to just say sorry. She told me that often the people that we do reception for will find errors or things that have gotten switched around and that while I may not have done anything wrong, if they’re upset they will usually react better to me saying sorry and offering to fix it, than if I just try to fix it.

Now, I have no problem taking responsibility for a mistake. If I mess up, then I’ll try to fix it. I do, however, have an issue with taking responsibility for someone else’s mistake. However, in my role it is far easier to just say sorry. Easier, not easy.

Saying sorry has never been easy for me. Apologising in general, especially with people I’m close to. But it’s something that I’m learning to do more and more. I think part of the reason I find it so difficult is that when I was little I never saw adults apologising. As I grew up I found I didn’t have to apologise that often either, except for doing the awkward sorry-shuffle through a crowded place – you know the one, “sorry, sorry, sorry, excuse me, sorry”.

I can remember this one particular time I had to apologise. I found it so difficult. I used to nanny for these two kids and I had made a promise to one of them, something like he could have x for dessert, but then I forgot and we were running out of time, so when he said “BUT YOU PROMISED!” I snapped at him, which obviously wasn’t fair and upset him. Later on, I remembered having promised and so I steeled myself up and apologised. I just said something like “I’m sorry I snapped at you. You were right, I did promise. How about we do it tomorrow night?” and just like that it was all okay again.

I think learning to put your pride aside and say sorry is a difficult thing, only made harder when you’re not responsible, but I also think it’s an important skill to have. It’s certainly something I’m going to have to work on. And like my supervisor said, you can always be swearing on the inside.